I would give the essay a 4 out of 6 but that is just my opinion.
You gave 2 great arguments (correlation issue and the missing numbers for 'increase in profit) but you combined them all into one paragraph. I would have broken those into two different paragraphs. I would also have included a way to improve the correlation vs causation error.
I think if you want to score a 5+ you would need to include a third argument. A possible third error is to notice that the argument assumes that if the company
...
You gave 2 great arguments (correlation issue and the missing numbers for 'increase in profit) but you combined them all into one paragraph. I would have broken those into two different paragraphs. I would also have included a way to improve the correlation vs causation error.
I think if you want to score a 5+ you would need to include a third argument. A possible third error is to notice that the argument assumes that if the company
...
