Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA) | Would love some feedback on my essay!

Hi all - I'm new to the forum, and just took my first MGMAT CAT. I usually consider myself a fairly strong writer (I'm certainly better on Verbal than Quant!), but I would love to get some feedback on my essay. In particular, I'm interested to see if people think my arguments are compelling, or I'm choosing poor examples? Also, any advice on improvements to my structure (Intro, Body Paragraphs, Conclusion) would be appreciated!

Thanks!
____

The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper:

"In
...

---