Sentence Correction (SC) | Re: In 1852 Robert Angus Smith published a detailed report of the chemistr

Here's the (E)version:

In 1852 Robert Angus Smith published a detailed report of the chemistry of rain in a large area around the city of Manchester, England, noting the city air becoming increasingly acidic as one would come closer totown.

One issue is that "the city air becoming increasingly acidic" does not work logically with "would come closer."

The sentence should use similar finite verbs to convey that those two events occurred at the same time rather than use the continuous "becoming" with the finite "would come." As written, the sentence suggests that "becoming" was ongoing regardless of whether "would come" occurred as if they were just one ongoing event and a discrete event that happened to occur at the same time.

"Noting that the city air became increasingly acidic as one came closer to town" more clearly conveys the point to be made.

Another issue
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Statistics : Posted by MartyMurray • on 01 Nov 2013, 04:12 • Replies 52 • Views 74062

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