Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA) | Practise AWA Essay

Hello all,

I have just finished writing an AWA practise Essay and looking for feedback.
I thought it be best to gain tailored feedback to my actual response.
I planned and wrote the essay in 40+ mins, I have to admit I found writing the one a little bit difficult in comparison to my previous posts. I tried to plan my time in the following way.
5 mins planning
20 mins writing ( actually took more than 30 mins)
5 mins proofreading (did not get time to do)

Admittedly, I didn't use the template
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