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Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA) | Re: Please Review My AWA

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I am no expert on AWA, but as I'm asking others to look at a couple of mine it's only fair that I drop my tuppence worth in. Like the man Bruce Lee said, "take what you think is useful, and ignore the rest" (slightly paraphrase...)


UnniPods wrote:

Hi

Just wrote my first AWA for the below Argument from the OG. Can you please review ans suggest improvements to me. Thanks
The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in

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